Captive of the Graybacks (temporary title)

Hey everyone...i wrote this chapter of the story a long time ago, so some of the wording isn't that good, but i liked the plot and i really like what i'm planning on doing with the story, so here it is. the writers critique group at my library's reading it also.

sorry if thoughts aren't italicised; they are on word, but i don't have time to convert that to here. sorry

it's temporarily called Captive of the Graybacks, but that's also the name of the first chapter:

<>1<> Captive of the Graybacks

Eria ran back to her house, pushed open the rough wooden door a cried, “Marc! Help!”

A young boy, about ten, rushed out of one of the rooms of the small house and picked up his crying little sister. “Eria, what’s wrong?”

The girl just cried harder. “Eria, please tell me so I can help.”

Eria sniffled and mumbled, “Graybacks.”

“Graybacks! You saw them?”

Eria nodded.

“It’s too early! Eria, go under.” She nodded, and started to go through the trapdoor to a special hiding place, which was a small room dug under the house. “Wait, Eria, where were they?” She pointed east. “Thank you, now go, and hurry!” She disappeared down the ladder, and Marc quietly closed the door after her.

“They shouldn’t be here yet,” he muttered to himself as he pulled his longbow off of the hook in the kitchen. Then he crept out the east door.

The Graybacks were a tribe of red wolves who painted a gray stripe down their backs, which is how they got their tribe name. They usually came at the beginning of the summer, but it was only April thirteenth, and according to Eria, they were already at the forest. Marc stepped quietly out the door and climbed a small tree at the edge of the forest. In a minute he saw them. They were rushing towards the house, and Marc hopped off of the tree branch and confronted the leader, an arrow pulled tight on the bowstring.

“Well,” the leader said, standing up on his back legs and folding his front legs like a human. “Marc! What are you doing here?”

“No,” Marc replied angrily. “What are you doing here? You’re much too early.”

“We were hungry.”

“Not for our people! Don’t make me kill you.”

“Marc, you should get some training sometime, do you really think that you could kill me?”

“Yes,” Marc said through gritted teeth.

“You are so ignorant. I have a magical shield put around me right now, and two guards are behind you, waiting for my signal.”

Marc spun around, but saw nothing. “I don’t see any guards,” he said stupidly.

The leader laughed, almost humorously. “You know nothing about our magic. The Graybacks are the most powerful wizards of all of the wolf clans, and a small invisibility shield? Simple. Guards, let him see you. He is not a threat.”

Marc turned around again. “Yes, show yourselves,” he said weakly. “You cowards! I’m not afraid of you.”

Slowly, the arrow was pulled out of his bow, by seemingly nothing, and before Marc’s eyes it was snapped in half. He quickly reached for another arrow, but all of them were gone from the quiver. He heard laughter from the rest of the wolves. Then he kicked out in front of him and got the body of one of the invisible guards. Marc heard a moan and something falling to the ground. He lashed out his foot again and again in the same spot, but was tripped from behind.

The leader laughed, “Crest! A human beat you while you were under an invisibility spell? You’re demoted to the lowest rank…in training. And it’s not only because you were beaten, but also because you refused to follow my orders. You too, Granz. Now, get over here!”

Two wolves appeared, one moaning with a few bruises on his chest, and the other looking angrily at the leader. “Dorg!” he said. “Why’d I get d’moted? I didn’t do nothing bad! I was jus’ having some fun! I’m one-a yur bes’ guards, an’ you’re gonna regret this!”

“Actually, I doubt that I will,” the leader, Dorg, replied. “Get back to your spot, pup-brain!”

Granz howled.

“I mean, of course, your spot in training.” Dorg turned to his army and said, “Obedience to the leader is the first rule if you’re going to fight with him. Disobey and you go back with them.”

There was a loud call of “Yes, captain!”

During his lecture, Marc had turned to run away, but had been faced by two wolves, and they grabbed him and dragged him back to Dorg. “Dorg, sir!” one of them said. “Where should we put the prisoner?”

“The cage,” Dorg replied.

“What!” Marc cried. “You can’t do this! My father will hunt you down!”

“And then we’ll have him too,” Dorg said casually, then said to another group of soldiers, “Search the house and then meet us back at the outpost.”

Marc hoped desperately that the Graybacks wouldn’t find Eria. He would hate himself for not staying with her. Then a small hope came to him. Wolves didn’t have thumbs; maybe they might not be able to open the trapdoor. Then he kicked himself, muttering about how much of an idiot he was. Invisibility spells were simple for them, and opening doors would be elementary. He prayed that they wouldn’t find the trapdoor, and then he fell asleep in the cage.

Marc woke up to a rough shaking, and realized that the wolves were carrying him. He looked around the marching group, and was glad to see that he couldn’t find Eria among them. Unless they did something else to her, he thought sadly.

<><>

“Eria!” called Marc’s father, Saor. “Eria!”

“Papa?” called Eria’s voice from underneath the trapdoor.

Quickly, Saor opened the trapdoor and pulled his daughter out, asking, “What happened? Where’s Marc?”

“He went to fight the Graybacks,” Eria answered.

“Graybacks! There shouldn’t be Graybacks already! Are you sure he wasn’t joking about the Graybacks?”

“Papa, I saw the Graybacks and came home and told him. He told me to stay down here.”

“Why is he so foolish? Why’d he go out?” Saor asked himself, and then said to Eria, “How long ago was this?”

“I don’t know.”

Saor muttered under his breath and said, “I have to go find him, but I’ll take you to Chor.”

“No! Chor hates me, he hates all little children, he told me.”

“But there’s no one else! Chor’s a blacksmith, and he can protect you.” I’d make sure he never got near this place again if he didn’t, Saor thought

“What about Bard? He’s the other blacksmith.”

“Bard already has seven children to take care of!”

“Four of them help him in the smithy, and one of them isn’t at their house anymore. And his wife takes care of the other two. And he likes me, and he even said he wanted more children. I’m not going to Chor, ever again.”

Saor sighed, and finally said, “How about this, I’ll ask Bard, but if he says no, you’re staying with Chor.”

Eria thought it over for a second, and said, “Fine.”

Bard agreed immediately when asked, and Saor left Eria with him, and ran across to the forest, with tears in his eyes.

Saor wished he had a horse, and he ran through the forest as quickly as he could. He was already breathing heavily.

But they had to sell nearly everything when his wife died, because the beautiful fabric she wove made over half of the family’s money. Saor had to farm out on the edge of the town, because the forest that surrounded his house left no room for it. So Marc had to stay at their house with Eria. Saor didn’t like it, but there was no other way, and he would not send the children to someone else’s house every day.

Saor ran through the forest, for hours, maybe days, he was never quite sure, and yet he continued on, but finally he collapsed on the ground, too tired to go any farther. There was nothing that he could do for Marc, even if he found him he wouldn’t be able to draw his bow, he was too tired.

The suddenly, Saor realized he had forgotten to bring anything in his rush to find Marc. His maps, his compass, food, even his bow. He didn’t know where he was, how to get out, and he had nothing. How can I save Marc now? Saor asked himself. He screamed, “No! No! How did this happen? Marc! Eria!” Then he lost consciousness as hunger swept over him.

thanks for reading!! i appreciate any comments or edits, thanks!